I have not been active for the past couple months, so I thought I would come back with a short letter!
The first quarter of 2023 (Jan-Apr) was full of happy surprises and incredible experiences. I got to meet many talented artists, and many actors of the Toronto music scene that helped make my journey smooth and rhythmic! I loved it. Unfortunately, when mid-April came, my body decided that it was time to rest.
I wanted to continue, however, my health kept on getting worse. Little did I know then that my healing process would take so long. I started with healing the physical aspect of my health first, determined to think that this was the only part that was failing… I kept on writing music, trying to plan a few recording sessions, booked some gigs for the end of the summer… But June came, and I realized that although my physical health had made some improvements, I could not fully heal if I did not take the time to rest my mind as well.
I stopped writing. I canceled shows. I stopped rehearsing.
All of a sudden, I filled my days with all sorts of activities, outings, friends, parties, and cocktails. I was busy, but it was a new kind of busy. I liked it, and I kept going throughout the summer.
At some point, I realized that I was afraid of going back to music. What if I wasn’t good enough to get back to my previous level? What if I did not put enough effort into my recovery? What if I did not remember how to write, strum, sing?
… I filled my head with hypothetical questions that pulled me a bit more away from the music scene. During that time, I read a lot of articles about mindfulness, being present, and steps to be in your better health. I figured that if music was for me, it would come back eventually. I did not need to force it on myself.
September came, and the exhaustion caught up with me. After a tiring Europe trip, followed by a tiring New York trip, I decided to get back on track.
I started practicing some of the steps I found in articles: “establish a routine”; “learn to eliminate stress and pressure”; “spend time with people who do not drain your energy”; “get enough sleep” …
Now that last one is tricky when you suffer from insomnia, but I took a lot of naps to compensate!
And then slowly at the end of September, I picked up my guitar, just to practice. I started with covers and quickly got tired of it. I reminded myself that I do not like playing guitar “just to play guitar”, I like it because it’s a tool that helps me create. That’s how I started writing again, and it is fun. I am enjoying it, and have a lot in store for the coming months.
I am still not at the peak of my shape, but I’m working on it steadily.
Dear friends, I hope you’ll join me on this next part of the journey, and if you feel like you need a break, take it, embrace it, and come back stronger. Sometimes you just have to trust yourself.