When do we stop growing up?

Ever since I was a kid, I have wanted to grow up and be an adult.

I was eager to get own my place, own my money, work in an office and make a change in the world! I wanted to know a lot, and be able to share my opinion with people.

My mom used to tell me that knowledge would come with experience, so I wanted to experience as soon as possible!

Life granted me part of that, and I “grew up” fast enough… But now, at 26, I still feel like I’m growing up. Sometimes I don’t feel like an adult at all.

Yes, I own my money, I have my own place, I converse with other adults without being deemed incapable (well, most of the time… because some people still think that they know everything)!

But I do not FEEL like an adult, at least like what I imagine being an adult is.

I love to discover things and learn, I love to meet people and make friends, I love to learn new languages and how to express myself more openly, I love candy, I love snow, I hate the rain and I take naps… I still need to Bloom!

I’m basically a toddler in an adult’s body… And it’s fine, I mean, to each their own…

But it’s also very scary, because whenever I try to imagine a future my toddler side prevents me from taking the steps to make it happen.

I do not feel fit enough, good enough, old enough, strong enough to deserve what I really want…

Does anybody else feel like this? Is there a remedy?

When will I stop growing up and start being a grown-up?

When will I be able to see the potential Wonder Woman that I can be?


If anyone has an answer, I’m all ears!!

See you soon,

JA.

April 16th 2020

I don’t want to write another sad song, another sad story.
I want to feel happy and share that happiness.
I’m tired of trying to be perfect, of pretending I’m someone other than me.
The truth is, I’m scared sometimes, and it’s okay
I’m loud sometimes, and it’s okay
I’m intense, I’m passionate, I’m free, and it’s okay.

I just wish the world would let me be me.
When I’m 100% true, I scare people away
When I’m 100% in, somehow it’s still not okay.

If we don’t fit in each other’s lives, it’s fine,
Just don’t ask me to believe your lies.

If my ideas don’t appeal to you, it’s fine,
Just don’t pretend that you’re on my side.

If you don’t like what I’m saying, it’s fine,
Just don’t be mad if you can’t change my mind.

Man, I wish things were simpler. They’re not.